I am the secretary of this house. I take care of all the paperwork and phone calls (incoming and outgoing) and I'm the Christmas card writer too. I have access to my parents money. I have access to their bills. I am the secretary- I was not hired for this position, I was given it by vote (2 to 1... LOL).
Today as secretary I was to call the clinic that mom has a bill with and pay it. Shouldn't be a big deal as I am listed on all her paperwork as an approved contact. In WI, I never had a problem with getting or giving them information since I was on all her paperwork. Not so here in CO. I called up, identified myself, and my mom and said, "I need to pay her outstanding balance."
"Well, we need to speak with her. She has to pay the bill."
"Why do you need to speak with her, I'm on all her paperwork? I have her permission as she's given it to you before and I'm in charge of paying the bill."
"Due to HIPPA, we have to speak with only her. It's the law."
"Again, you have her consent in writing to speak with me or my father. Why can't I pay this bill?" (getting a little annoyed already)
"Oh we could take payment from your dad. We don't need permission to speak with him. But for you... we need her permission"
"So you'll talk with my dad about this bill, but not me? Why the hell did she and I have to sign all those papers giving her consent for you to speak with me, if you won't talk to me?" (snarky voice here)
"Well if she's there she can give you permission to pay the bill."
"She's here. But why can't I take care of this? This is very frustrating for me. My mother has dementia and my father works days. She's not going to understand why you need to speak with her." (super annoyed, close to tears in frustration)
"Do you have power of attorney?"
"No, my father is living and well. I take care of the paperwork and bill paying. I'm on every damn piece of paper you have. And don't HIPPA me. I know how HIPPA works." (super pissy attitude coming out as I'm walking to mom, who is giving me the HUH What look)
"We have to speak with her. I can't do anything without speaking to her."
"Fine, let me give the phone to her."
I say to my mom, "just tell them I can pay the damn bill. They need your permission for me to give them money." My mom is looking confused and takes the phone.
"Yes, this is me. I told you you can talk to her. She takes care of this."
I have no idea what the lady is saying to my mom. But now mom is getting upset.
"Why can't you talk to her? She is listed on my papers. I know she is. Then just let her take care of this. I can't read the damn card to you."
Again the lady says some stuff, which my mom cuts off by saying, "Forget it. I'll have her call and bother my husband at work to get this taken care of. Why is she on my paperwork if you won't let her pay this bill. What a bunch of SHIT!" and with that mom hung up on them!
I was so proud of her. But it upset her. And that upsets me. I'm very protective of my mom. I know she can't read the numbers on the credit card, that's why I make the payments. It pissed me off so bad that I called my dad at work and told him he could call the assholes and take care of it. What's he say to me, "But you're on the paperwork!" No shit dad, no shit. He took care of it. But he shouldn't have to, I'm on the papers dammit! I was trying to give you money... just be happy you're getting money!!!!!!!
Ironically, I also had to pay a few of my medical bills and had to put them on my dad's credit card. When I called my clinics up, they had no problem taking my dad's money. They didn't need his permission to use the card, they just charged it. When I called mom's old clinic in WI to get hers and dads paperwork and to pay one little bill there, no problem talking to me or letting me pay the bill. BECAUSE I'M ON ALL THE PAPERWORK!!!
My mom has dementia. My dad is stressed enough without having to take time away from his job to call you to give you the same information I was going to. I'm here to ease the burden for both of them. By having to have her next to me every time I call you, you're just making her day worse. Some days, she's with me and can handle it. Other days, like today, you make her more confused. She has enough confusion in her life, I don't need some clinic (that has written permission for me to be the contact) making it worse. I will be speaking with the director of the clinic on Monday about this. You have pissed off the wrong English Composition degree holder. I can argue with the best of them and I will. Fix your paperwork damn it if you have to. If I have all the information you need, just take the money. I don't think some random person is going to call up and willingly pay my mom's medical bills!
Next time I'll just lie and say I'm a 68 year old woman! Maybe then you'll take the damn money from me.
I can't believe people can be such fuckers some times. I had a similar experience when my Father In Law died. DH asked me to call a lab company and find out if the estate really owed the bill. They were such ASSHOLES, they kept *insisting* on speaking to my father in law, even after I told them at least 7 times that he was dead. Then the twatwaffle said I had to send her a death certificate (which in our state we have to pay for)....OH I spoke to her supervisor....fucking insensitive idiots! Give em HELL sister!
ReplyDeleteFrom Joanne http://racingalzheimers.com/
ReplyDeleteI can't tell you how many times I ran into something like this. If your father doesn't have any objections, you may want to consider becoming BOTH your parents POAs sooner than later while your mom can still sign. This will help you take care of business and protect if (God forbid, something happens to your dad). My dad and I have equal POA for my mom which means we can both act independently. It's been real helpful now that I'm doing things for HIM as well.
And here's a little secret, I sometimes I pretended I was my mom when I called. But only when it really didn't matter like the electric bill. You know? I was helping my mom and I'd be damned if anyone got in my way. YOU my dear are helping your mom. Keep at it, good job!
Thank you Joanne! I am going to talk to my dad about this. I was my brother's POA when he was fighting cancer and lost that battle. I should have thought of that sooner.
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah, I pretend when I need to. I should have that day too! LOL
Thanks for your support!!!!