Funny $#*! my mom has said

After last night I need to set a lighter tone for today's blog. So here we go…

10. "Who won?" asked of me after she sat in the bleachers the entire JV football game. Luckily we won. Mom was only there to support her cheerleader in 1992.

9.  "KC go home yet?" said to my dad, while she was sleeping, on a road trip from Texas to Wisconsin to see Tony in July 1995. KC was my boyfriend and he was driving at the time. He and I chuckled for the rest of the trip over that one.

8. "I'm going to have your dad drop you off at Christian Mingle!" said to me after seeing the dating site's commercial in November of 2012. Every time she see their commercial now, she looks and at me and burst into giggles.

7. "When you're pissed up you can't talk right!" said to me just yesterday (Dec 31, 2012) after I stumbled over a word after being pissed off at a commercial. She and I laughed so hard we snorted!

6. "It's EGG SALAD! Now shut the hell up!" yelled at me after she sat straight up, while still asleep, when I asked Dad what kind of sandwich he got at the gas station we'd stopped at on another road trip from Texas to Wisconsin. "It's Tuna!" Dad said to me and with that he and I cracked up for a good five minutes.

5. "Don't be so rude Tony!" said in that wonderful angry mom tone to Tony after he answered her previous question, "So are you two sexually active?". Tony's reply was the truth, "Yep, every day and twice on Sunday!" She never believed him when he was that honest. I was in a fit of giggles for the entire day. Tony was in deep shit with this girlfriend, who slapped him as she stood next to him when he answered mom. Tony and I laughed over that one for years.

4. "Did you wash your crack?" said to my dad as she used his lap for a pillow.  Tony and I were talking with Dad about whatever and suddenly mom asked her question. Tony was driving and he was laughing so hard he almost hit a guardrail. Dad was laughing so hard his belly was shaking which upset her and she told him to "Knock it off." I had tears running down my face. She denies this remark was ever made just as she does all the others she's made while asleep.

3. "It's very important to always be clean!" said to my niece (who was 20) and I while the three of us sat on the floor of the new apartment and enjoyed Sonic chili and cheese hot dogs with mustard. As soon as the words passed mom's lips the last bite of her hotdog fell out of the bun on to her pants and on to the new carpet leaving yellow and brown stains at every bounce.  My niece and I cracked up and the rest of my niece's visit we kept telling Grandma how important it is to be clean. My niece and I even threatened to get hotdogs tattooed on our ankles in her honor.

2. "I'm not your mom!" said to me in frustration in the bathroom of my house in Wisconsin in May 2010. I was doing my makeup and had my empty coffee cup on the counter. Mom was pestering me about it so I told her if she didn't like it there she could put it in the kitchen. She meant to say "I'm not your maid". I of course gave her nothing but hell for the next few days of her visit by saying that's why the boys always told me I came out of the cabbage patch. Some days she remembers that she's "not my mom!" and we end up in giggles.

And in first place, my favorite one of all time:

1. "What's the difference between a Giant timeout and a regular timeout? " asked while Dad and I

watched the Dallas Cowboys play the New York Giants on some Sunday in 1997 or 1998. I could not answer because I was laughing so hard that I had an asthma attack. Dad pulled it together enough to answer her, "That's the team that called the timeout." Then he went back to laughing. We have not let her live this one down yet. I even won tickets to see Jeff Dunham in Dec. 2010 thanks to this story!

These are the memories that I am choosing to keep. This is how I will laugh through the tears after she's gone.